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Larry, Larry, quite contrary
(by Tracy Beckerman - September 10, 2008)
The story you are about to read is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent… except for anyone named Larry.
My name is Sunday: Detective Joe Sunday. And these are the facts… just the facts.
Aug. 18. 8:11 a.m. Dishwasher in question was opened after cycle ran the night before. Subject observed tub filled with water and dishes still filthy. Attempted to run dishwasher again to determine solution, but when ‘start’ was pushed, water began pouring out onto kitchen floor. As floor was mopped, subject’s husband entered singing theme from “The Titanic.” Wet dishtowels were thrown at husband.
Aug. 18. 8:42 a.m. Wet dishtowels brought down to laundry room, and tossed into washing machine. Subject hit start but washing machine failed to respond. Subject hit start again and machine started spewing water onto basement floor. As floor was mopped, subject’s husband walked in and said nothing. Subject threw wet dishtowels at husband.
Aug. 18. 9:13 a.m. Washing machine in question finally ran but wouldn’t spin dry. Subject threw sopping wet towels into dryer and hit start. Dryer failed to respond. Subject removed towels and threw them on the ground.
Note: Subject was observed committing a 309 (throwing a big, hairy fit).
Aug. 19. 9:23 a.m. Appliance repairman came to fix appliances. Repairman goes by the name, Larry. Larry informed Subject that washer and dryer were unfixable and it would cost a bazillion dollars to repair dishwasher. Subject began exhibiting signs of distress and was observed committing a Code 19 (eating large quantities of chocolate).
Larry gave Subject phone number of salesman to call to buy new appliances. Salesman’s name is also Larry.
Subject confirmed having three dead appliances, two guys named Larry and one nervous breakdown.
Aug. 20. 4:27 p.m. Subject waited at home for eight hours for new washer and dryer to be delivered. At approximately 5:01 p.m., two men were observed arriving at Subject’s home in large, unmarked truck. One man identified himself as a deliveryman named Larry. Second man identified himself as a deliveryman named Ted. Subject asked Ted if she could call him Larry to keep things simple.
Larry brought new washer inside. Larry/Ted brought new dryer inside. Subject reports that deliverymen moved appliances to the basement doorway and then stopped. Subject reports that appliances allegedly did not fit down the basement stairs. Larry and Larry/Ted removed new appliances from premises.
Note: Subject was observed committing a 501 (weeping and clinging to appliance as it is removed from property).
Aug. 20. 6:10 p.m. Camp trunks delivered to home of subject. Contents of four trunks were as follows: 2-tennis rackets, 2-baseball gloves, 4-tons dirty camp laundry.
Subject observed laughing hysterically as trunks were deposited in empty laundry room.
Note: Camp trunk deliveryman also named Larry.
Aug. 21. 10:17 a.m. Larry (aka: appliance repairman) arrived to fix dishwasher. Larry (aka: appliance salesman) called to confirm delivery of the new washer/dryer just as Larry (aka: appliance deliveryman) and Larry/Ted (aka: other appliance deliveryman) arrived with new smaller washer/dryer. All appliances installed and/or repaired. Subject observed dancing jubilantly in family room. Paramedics called and sedative administered.
Case Closed.
Note: Subject’s book, “Rebel without a Minivan” can be ordered online at www.rebelwithoutaminivan.com or Amazon!
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