[ back ]
Where am I?
(by Michael Dennehy - May 21, 2008)
There is a myth afoot within the Dennehy clan, that I, Marine veteran, retired FBI agent, when driving, tend to get lost on occasion. Outrageous!
Once in awhile, it is true, I might make a wrong turn, or misread a street sign. So? That only proves I’m human. The major culprit in the conspiracy is my sister-in-law Judy. Twice I got lost going to her home out on
Jones
Beach
Island , a small private community
West Gilgo . OK! So what if I grew up on
Long Island and have been out there 100 times before? I’m not perfect! Who is?
The “lost” gene apparently has been passed down to our son Chris (actually I think he’s worse than I am). The problem starts I think with a spell of inattention at the wrong time – missing a turn, etc. When you finally realize it, you could be many miles down the road. As a young man you’re likely to add to the problem by thinking you can find your way back. I don’t have patience for that anymore. I’ll pull over as soon as I see a gas station or store of any kind go in, swallow my pride and ask someone. If the attendant gives me one of those blank looks I know I’m in real trouble. The last thing you want to do is call Judy and ask directions. “Oh Mr. FBI agent is lost again?” is likely to be her response. Chris still hangs in there, certain he will find his own way, exacerbating his error. An hour later he’ll call and say, “Dad, it’s Chris. I think I’m lost.”
For Christmas our daughter Amy gave her big brother a GPS for his car. I don’t think he’s installed it yet. Stubborn that one. Amy then gave her parents one for our birthdays, both of which fall in late January. I admit I hadn’t even looked at it. I still haven’t gotten the hang of a cell phone. Kay was the one who took it out of the box and started studying it. It wasn’t stubbornness on my part but my inherent techno phobia. I simply have no talent for anything mathematical or technical. With cars I know how to turn them on, steer, brake and shift (not manual shift of course). I remember once we bought a new car. The first time I looked under the hood was a year later to fill it with windshield wiper cleaner. I found it only with the aid of the car manual.
I did a little research. GPS stands for Global Positioning System. Well that was easy. GPS has access to a constellation of 24 satellites that transmit precise microwave signals. The signals determine location, speed, direction and time. A typical GPS receiver uses signals from four or more satellites. GPS was developed by the U.S. Department of Defense. It costs about $750 million per year. President Ronald Reagan made the system available free for civilian use in 1983 for the common good. Microwaves, satellites? That’s way out of my league.
One day Kay decided we should use the GPS. She asked Marc, our Amy’s fiancé, to program it. He is a car mechanic par excellence. You plug it into the cigarette lighter casement. I wondered what they were going to do with that now that smoking is no longer popular. The GPS we have is a small little thing about the size of those new phones or BlackBerry (whatever that is). We (Kay) set it up for a short trip. It was weird. We put in the start address and then destination. Voila! It was operable lickety split. It gave the mileage for the trip as well as the estimated time for arrival. The screen showed the route. You can attach the GPS to the inside of the windshield so you can see the route as you go along. We found that too distracting and just waited for the voice instructions. The commands came like those standard tape messages you get when you call an office and no one is there.
I had to chuckle after listening to the voice for a while. It is a woman’s voice and reminded me of the old comic routine of the wife as co-pilot or back seat driver: “Turn here dear,” or, “I think you missed the turn… again,” etc. One thing it did not say is, “I think you should slow down dear.”
If you miss the turn there will be a pause and the lady will report, “Re-calculating!” in the same dry monotone. As you start the trip the voice will say, “drive two miles and turn right.” Then again as you get closer she will say “drive two-tenths of a mile-turn right.” Then finally, “Turn right.” It gets a little naggish.
GPS works very well and we’re sold on it. However, every now and then ‘the voice’ will say: “Lost satellite” which means it cannot direct you until it regains the signal. Going over to Long Island one day we lost the signal from the
George
Washington
Bridge all the way to the
Throgs
Neck
Bridge . My sister-in-law will never believe that.
[ back ]
