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Diary of a Dufus!
(by Michael Dennehy - September 03, 2008)
I have come to the conclusion that I am a “Dufus”! No, it’s true. I know it must be hard for you to believe. But I have spent my career collecting evidence in an objective manner and the conclusion is beyond doubt. A Dufus in my lexicon is a “Dummy Usually Fouls-Up Situations!” I qualify. Not all situations but quite a few.
What brought this to mind was an incident recently where we had some work done at the house. It was a small job not too costly. My wife Kay who handles all financial matters had to leave so she gave me my instructions. The checkbook was on the table and I was to pay the workers when they left. The job would be $150. “10-4!” as we used to say on the job. ( means OK). They finished and I went to write the check and they said $165.55. I said what? They explained that was with tax. So I filled out the check joking that I didn’t usually handle these things and what with credit cards I couldn’t remember the last time I made out a check. Talking all the while I struggled through. They left and another job well done.
Shortly after Kay arrived home the phone rang. Kay answered and said “What?” She hung up and turned to me. “Oh-oh!” I thought. Turns out I messed up the check underpaying the contractor by $50. I still don’t know how that happened.
I sometimes can tell how serious my Dufus-itus will be on a given day. It begins with morning coffee. Ever since I retired I’ve been making morning coffee and serving it to Kay in bed. BIG points guys! Actually, it started because I like my coffee strong and Kay does not. So we have two coffeepots. One thing worse than a Dufus is a drowsy Dufus. I can’t list all the mishaps I have had making the coffee. Sometimes when I’m putting the three heaping soup spoons of coffee grounds into my coffee maker- “whoops!” I spill what appears to be a gazillion grounds over the kitchen sink, floor, etc. I’m forever knocking things over. Usually it’s with my elbow. Sometimes I bump my elbow against a wall, door or whatever and let out a blue streak. This is more likely to happen in the morning when I’m not yet fully awake.
The worst by far is when I turn on the pots and leave the kitchen for a moment or two. Coming back I hear an unusual gurgling sound. I had not securely closed the one coffeepot and it is throwing up half-made coffee; grounds, water – Yuck! All over the place. Gotta not only clean it up but start all over again.
The last hurdle on my morning adventure is bringing the coffee tray to the bedroom. So far I have not stumbled and redecorated the bedroom “coffee-color.”
There are however – and this is top-secret – a few coffee stains on the new sheets Kay just bought. It’s a good thing I didn’t go into brain surgery or nuclear bomb making.
There is an upside to all this tomfoolery though. I provide entertainment for our daughter Amy – unintentionally. You know our daughter is getting married in a few weeks. I may have commented on that. She usually reacts with a “Duh Dad?” A recent example occurred on a visit with them up in Sussex County. Our son-in-law in-waiting Marc owns a cottage up there. It’s in the middle of the woods – a beautiful spot with a pool nearby. The cottage has a screened in porch running the full length of the home. The screens are those “invisible” kind. Can you see what’s coming?
After being there awhile I had to go to the bathroom. I headed inside and “boom!” Yup! Face first I hit the door. Hearing the noise Amy called out: What was that?” I told her and did she say “Are you all right?” Or call an ambulance. No! She laughed and said, “Oh I wish I could have seen that!” Well, dufus that I am, an hour or so later I did it again and Amy did see it. Of course she laughed even harder.
Well that’s the Diary of a Dufus! Not an easy life.
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